These types of conflicts are as old as the hills, and they pop up regularly. There are a few things to get straight before you decide how to deal with this problem.
Who is your boss?
Not all bosses are alike. Some use conflict as part of their management strategy. Some fall into conflict because they are not great at managing their emotions. And some, are in the conflict game to push institutional strategy forward. You deal with each type differently.
If your boss uses conflict as part of a management strategy, you need to figure out the underlying game. Usually it is to motivate staff to perform. If so, you need to start focusing on the metrics that he or she is using and become a star performer.
If your boss is an emotional mess, becoming a star performer may not help much. Most of the problems here relate to insecurity and fear of failure. Your job is to help your boss deal with those emotions.
If your boss is trying to push a new agenda, you have to decide if you are for or against that agenda. If you8 are for it, advertise that to your boss. Become part of the new wave team. Fight with him or her to get the change implemented.
Who are you?
The problem is not just about who your boss is. You also need to take a close look at yourself. Before you start feeling defensive, this is not just about identifying where you screwed up. It is about honestly asking whether you are motivated to exceed expectations, whether you are focused on what needs to get done, and whether you are able to work in teams to do that. If you are ace in all three areas, there is something wrong with your boss. If you are not, there is something you can change in yourself.
Here is the thing. You have the option of leaving your job. But you only want to do that if you have good alternatives, and your current situation is suboptimal. If you don’t want to pull the exit cord, you need to work with your boss to figure out how to transcend the conflict.
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Managing Conflict 